Losing a great friend

 

 

Today's topic isn't about a makeup or skincare product *shock. horror. chandeliers crashing to the ground* but rather on some musings about life. Recently, a momentus event in my life has happened, I have lost a great friend.

 

 

Before you give me your condolences, no, he has not died, we have simply ceased our existence as friends. Now, I was initally the first to decide this, after all we were incompatible in terms of personality and we kept having arguments and piss fits for various reasons, some of which I still do not know the reason for to this day. My friend is secretive and hates telling things to people's face whilst I'm very straightforward and to the point, so things that are implied but not said can sometimes just sail right over my head. Then my friend gets pissed and I don't know why.

 

 

I suppose the reason for why I'm upset could be that while I had burned our bridge, I thought we could still be acquaintances, hang out with the clique but just not socialize independently with one another. Guess I thought wrong. For my friend told me to my face that we are not friends, to the point where he cannot stand to be near me and he won't ever attend any event that I'm there. The bridge has burned and any structure that could once stood there has turned to ashes. Imagine my shock, our months of hanging out almost everyday with one another is just gone.

 

 

Another reason could be merely Stockholm Syndrome, I'm just so used to him being around that the idea of him not being there in my life is upsetting. Today I walked past places where we once shared meals together, joked and laughed at and to say the least, there was no happy nostalgia.

 

 

In retrospect, perhaps this had been coming for a while. After all, he was always the one that flared up and pushed me away and when I announced that I was leaving, he jumped on that to declare his stance. Or it could be a defensive manoeuver, by cutting the ties even further, he has to pushed the emotional burden back to me. What a great friend.

 

 

I spent a day grieving for the death of this friendship, but that was it. I've learned a lot from him and interacting with someone of this complex nature. I also respect him for telling me to my face (though at the behest of our mutual friends) his thoughts and that it's a clean breakaway. To me, the friend I knew is dead and the one I see around now is nothing more than a friend of my friend, just someone who exists.

 

 

Goodnight, sweet prince. I'll treasure our memories together.

 

 

Love,

Tabby